The ₹50 Lakhs Shitshow: A Technical Postmortem of How We Royally Fucked Our Payment System (A Made-Up Clusterfuck)
DISCLAIMER: This shit-show of a story is about as real as a unicorn riding a dragon through a rainbow made of pizza. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and probably the result of too many energy drinks and not enough sleep. If you’re looking for actual technical advice, for the love of all that’s holy, look elsewhere. This is what happens when you let a sleep-deprived, caffeine-fueled programmer with a potty mouth and a twisted sense of humor loose on a keyboard. You’ve been warned!
Alright, gather 'round for the tale of how we royally screwed the pooch on our in-house payment system and flushed 50 lakhs down the toilet. Buckle up, because this clusterfuck is one for the books.
The Shitstorm Overview
During what should've been a normal day of raking in the dough, our half-baked payment system took a nosedive straight into the crapper. Why? Because we were too damn lazy to implement proper safeguards, opting instead for a system held together with duct tape and wishful thinking.
The Initial Mistake
Our first crack at this payment system was designed by what I can only assume was a team of drunk monkeys. Here's a taste of the garbage fire we called code:
import redis
from django.db import connection
class PaymentProcessor:
def release_funds(self, payment_id):
# Use Redis like a sledgehammer to crack a nut
payment_lock = f"payment:{payment_id}"
if redis.setnx(payment_lock, "processing"):
try:
with connection.cursor() as cursor:
# Fetch payment details with all the grace of a bull in a china shop
cursor.execute(
"SELECT * FROM payment_accounts WHERE id = %s AND status = 'LOCKED' FOR UPDATE",
[payment_id]
)
payment = cursor.fetchone()
if payment and payment['balance'] >= payment['release_amount']:
# Update account balance with all the atomic precision of a blunt axe
cursor.execute(
"UPDATE payment_accounts SET balance = balance - %s, status = 'RELEASING' WHERE id = %s",
[payment['release_amount'], payment_id]
)
else:
# Handle the case when payment is not found or insufficient balance
print("Payment not found or insufficient balance")
finally:
# Release the lock and pray to the coding gods
redis.delete(payment_lock)
Technical Fuck-ups
No Atomic Transactions: We treated database consistency like it was optional, letting processes run wild like kids in a candy store.
Piss-Poor Locking: Our idea of synchronization was about as effective as a screen door on a submarine, mixing Redis locks with database operations.
State Management from Hell: We managed states about as well as a toddler manages their temper tantrums.
Error Handling? What's That?: We handled errors with all the finesse of a bull in a china shop.
How It All Went to Shit
When the weekend hit and transactions started pouring in:
Race Conditions: Our system was like a demolition derby, with processes crashing into each other and spewing bad data everywhere.
Data Consistency? What's That?: The lack of proper locking meant our data was about as consistent as a politician's promises.
Error Recovery My Ass: When shit hit the fan, our system just stood there like a deer in headlights.
Cleaning Up This Mess
After we finished wiping egg off our faces, we actually put on our big boy pants and fixed this dumpster fire:
1. Atomic Transactions or Bust
We wrapped our shit in proper transactions, making sure each operation was tighter than a duck's ass:
from django.db import transaction
from django.utils import timezone
class PaymentStateMachine:
@transaction.atomic
def initiate_release(self, payment_id, amount):
payment = PaymentAccount.objects.select_for_update().get(id=payment_id)
if payment.status != PaymentState.LOCKED:
raise ValueError("Payment isn't locked, you dimwit!")
if payment.balance >= amount:
# Update balance without royally fucking it up
original_balance = payment.balance
payment.balance -= amount
payment.status = PaymentState.RELEASING
payment.save()
# Log this shit for when it inevitably goes wrong again
AuditLog.objects.create(
payment=payment,
action='RELEASE_INITIATED',
amount=amount,
metadata={
'balance_before': original_balance,
'balance_after': payment.balance,
'timestamp': timezone.now()
}
)
else:
raise ValueError("You're broke, bitch!")
2. State Management That Isn't a Total Joke
We introduced states that even a braindead monkey could follow:
class PaymentState(models.TextChoices):
CREATED = 'CREATED' # Payment's ass just landed
FUNDED = 'FUNDED' # Got some cash, finally
LOCKED = 'LOCKED' # Money's tied up tighter than a miser's purse
RELEASING = 'RELEASING' # Letting go of the dough
COMPLETED = 'COMPLETED' # Transaction's done, hallelujah
CANCELLED = 'CANCELLED' # Something went tits up
3. Logging Like Paranoid Conspiracy Theorists
We started logging everything short of bathroom breaks:
AuditLog.objects.create(
payment=payment,
action='RELEASE_INITIATED',
amount=amount,
metadata={
'balance_before': original_balance,
'balance_after': payment.balance,
'initiated_by': user.id, # In case we need someone to blame
'timestamp': timezone.now()
}
)
Lessons We Learned (But Will Probably Forget)
Atomicity or GTFO: Every damn financial operation needs to be atomic, or you're asking for a world of hurt.
Database-Level Locking is King: Ditch that Redis nonsense for financial transactions and use proper database-level locking or watch your data turn into a steaming pile of inconsistency.
State Management Isn't Optional: Implement a state machine or prepare for a lifecycle more chaotic than a cat on catnip.
Monitor Like Big Brother: Log everything or be prepared to play detective when it all goes to hell.
Handle Errors Like a Pro: Catch and handle exceptions, or watch your system crash and burn faster than a dumpster fire at a fireworks factory.
So there you have it, you code-mangling cretins. Next time you think about cutting corners on a financial system, remember this colossal fuck-up and do it right, or I'll personally come down there and beat some sense into your thick skulls!